Strength TogetHER - Session 5 (Untold Stories)

 

March 3, 2023

Lokopakar in collaboration with ZONTA Club of Kathmandu is conducting "Strength TogetHER" sessions at Chaitanya Secondary School, Banepa. On 3rd March, 2023 we conducted the session on the topic "Untold Stories." We gave a safe space for our participants to share their stories which remained untold previoulsy. The stories shared among the participants were:

“We are three siblings. Out of the 3 siblings, 2 of us are daughters. My elder sister eloped with a man, and I am bearing the pressure of taking care of the family’s status now. The people in my village talk bad about me and my family. They say that it’s not possible for me to marry in a proper way and that they could guarantee the same as they believe that I will elope in the near future. I get hurt listening to that. When I call my mother, she cries and always tells me to be good. And, that she has been hearing things about me which are untrue. I am here because of my parents believing in me. But, it hurts to see their doubts and concerns for things that I would never do. I prioritize my family before anything else.” 

“My mother left me when I was about 4 or 5 years old. But, my grandmother tells me that my mother left me when I was about a year old. I have never seen my mother. I always think that if I had my mother with me then it would have been easy for me to share my things and feelings with her. If I had my own mother, then I would share things with her like my friends do.”

“My father sent my sister to Kathmandu for her further studies. He worked hard, saved up money so that he could afford her studies and living there. He wanted her to do good things and be a great person. But, my sister ran away with a guy. She eloped. This put me in a difficult situation. When news of her eloping got out, it got difficult for me. People used to ask me about it even when I was going to school. They would ask when I would elope. Thinking back to that time, I wonder why I was born as a girl. People in my village question me if I would elope too and sometimes even ask me when I am going to elope. Even my own grandmother told me, “The eldest eloped now the youngest will elope too”. I could not do anything at that time. I could barely eat or do anything at all. I feel really bad when people assume and ask me such questions.”

“When I was in class 8, I had a best friend. On our final exams, I passed while she failed. Now, she doesn’t talk to me at all. Even when I tried to talk to her she did not respond and completely ignored me. Even when we meet now, she doesn’t talk to me.”

“My sister committed suicide when I was in grade 10. It was time for my finals. When I got the news about her suicide, it felt like a nightmare. We used to talk all the time, and I always used to ask her before making any decisions. Now, I feel lost and don’t know whom to talk to and whom to ask for suggestions. I don’t know anything.”

“In class 7, I had a very close friend. But she failed in class 8. It didn’t feel good to see her fail. She left the school afterwards. We met after a long time, and when talking to her, I felt that we could have been studying together this whole time. I felt very bad and didn’t feel like studying since she was my best friend and she left the school on bad terms with me. Right now, we are not in contact with each other.”  

“My father had gone abroad. So, my mother was responsible for looking after us. Since she was alone and head of the family, people used to backbite about her when she went to the market as well. My mother knew that people would talk badly about her. She used to cry at home as well. I felt extremely bad about it. Despite everything, we supported each other and told each other not to worry and things would get better.”

“My father has two wives. He has 2 sons from his previous marriage and we are 2 sisters from his second marriage. My eldest step brother treats us well but my other step brother treats my mother very badly. He calls her name and says that my mother pretends to be sick if she has to work. And, keeps bad mouthing her almost every day. He not only says it to my mother but makes things up and tells the entire village. I see this and get sad.”

“My maternal grandmother didn’t talk to my mother for a long time since she had eloped. My mother could not go visit her home too because of that and because she was discriminated against in different regards. My mother said that my grandmother hid food and other things from her. Because of that we moved to Kathmandu when I was small. We stopped going to our village too. Right now, my grandmother talks to us nicely.”

“I don’t have a brother. We are all daughters in our family. Since we don’t have a brother, my grandparents did not like my parents nor us. They used to tell me what we would do in the future since we didn’t have any brothers. They used to talk badly about us. And, gradually stopped talking to us and my parents too. She never visited us nor called us to visit them. She didn’t consider us grandchildren and I didn’t address her as grandmother either. I used to think that our relationship might have been better if I was born as a son instead of a daughter. I used to be scared of her and didn’t even talk to her well. For 13 years we had such a relationship, but things changed when my mother gave birth to my little brother. Our grandmother started visiting us regularly, talked to us nicely and even cooked food for us. My mother cries a lot sometimes thinking about this situation. Things have changed since my brother was born. I wonder if we would have had the same good relationship with my grandmother if I was a son, and not a daughter? Would she have loved me the same?”